Keep Pushing
by Junebugsm
Summary: The Sequel to 'Push' where Callie once again finds herself having doubts about Stef and Lena's love for her and tests them to make sure she's still wanted.
1. Chapter 1

**The Sequel to 'Push' where Callie once again finds herself having doubts about Stef and Lena's love for her and tests them to make sure she's still wanted.**

(I was requested for Push to continue and at first I was just going to add more drama before the ending but since that story was complete I decided to start a sequel.)

* * *

><p>Callie had taken the first step towards trusting Stef and Lena but she was still far from the end. Over the next few weeks she began to talk to them more and she hadn't hurt herself since that first day after the wedding. None of this meant however, that she didn't still feel scared sometimes. Sometimes she felt the need to hurt herself just to let some of that fear out but she chose, instead, to talk to whichever of the two adults was available at the time and they, in turn made sure that at least one of them was always available and kept assuring Callie that she was loved.<p>

The time for Callie to take the second step came when Stef and Lena announced that Lena wanted to have a baby. Callie had played it cool and just like her siblings she had shown enthusiasm and support at the idea of a new baby but deep down she couldn't help but feel like she wasn't good enough. Stef had a connection with Brandon that nothing could ever break and now Lena wanted that too. Callie realized though that she had to be extremely careful about her feelings - she didn't want to pass her worries onto Jude or even Mariana and Jesus for that matter. At least the twins were already adopted but things were still up in the air for her and Jude. She promised herself that she wouldn't share her fears with him but she was also determined to keep an eye on him just in case he started to feel unwanted.

Callie became a little more reserved after the announcement of the baby but made sure she still talked to Stef and Lena enough to keep their guard down. This new plan worked well for another couple of weeks until Callie found out that she couldn't be adopted. She had put on a happy face and supported Jude as he was made a member of the family but secretly harbored the feeling of suddenly being entirely alone. That night the need to 'release' some of the hurt was overwhelming. It had been long enough for Stef and Lena to be less ridged about clearing the bathrooms of anything sharp and knocking on the doors whenever Callie was in there for more than a few minutes and so it wasn't hard for Callie to find a discarded razor. She smashed the plastic by slamming a drawer on it and carefully pulled out all three blades.

The feel of the blade in her hand was like having the sun shine on her face on a freezing December day. It was her key to freedom from all the misery she was feeling. She knew that this time she had to be much more careful about what she did. As much as she had enjoyed the bonding time with Stef and Lena she definitely didn't want to be hovered over and watched like before. She had learned from her mistakes and wasn't about to make them again and so this time she stuffed the blades and all the pieces of the razor into her pocket and waited until she knew she'd have time to do it right.

* * *

><p>Stef and Lena were completely thrilled about the prospect of having a baby and with all the other things that were going on their days were pretty busy. Besides regular work there was the quest for Robert Quinn and the doctor's checkups for Brandon. Jesus was back on his pills and his body was still getting used to it and Mariana was going through a crisis of her own and was trying desperately to fit in with a particular group of girls that resulted in her trying to be something she wasn't. Jude, as usual, seemed to be the only one without any drama.<p>

With all this going on they had eventually cut down on the bathroom checks and the checkups on Callie to make sure that she wasn't hurting herself. She seemed to be opening up more and they took that as a sign that they could loosen up the ropes on her a bit. This was a decision that they would later learn to regret.


	2. Chapter 2

It was well after midnight when Callie quietly got up. She slipped the blades wrapped in a piece of paper out from under her pillow and quietly headed to the downstairs bathroom. She couldn't risk waking Stef again. She got to the bathroom as quietly as possible sighed in relief when she finally sat down on the floor knowing she hadn't made a sound the whole way. She took out one of the blades and just held it in her hand for a few minutes. The last time she had cut herself pretty deep unintentionally and this time she knew she had to be more careful. She thought about where to cut because her wrists were definitely out. Her choice seemed to be between her upper, inner arm or inner thigh. She settled for the thigh and having made that decision quickly pulled up the leg of her shorts. She put the sharp edge of the blade to her thigh but something stopped her from pushing down. She couldn't figure out what it was but something in the back of her mind told her to stop.

Callie dropped the blade in frustration. She didn't know what to do. Her eyes darted around the bathroom looking for nothing in particular until they landed on Lena's anti-nausea medication. She remembered a statement Lena had made just a few days ago after a horrid bout of morning-sickness - 'God I feel miserable.' She had said. 'But having this child makes it all worth it.'

She hadn't meant the statement in the way that Callie interpreted it but seeing those pills was all that Callie needed to stop that annoying voice in her head. She quickly picked up the blade again and this time she pressed it down onto her thigh and couldn't stop the small smile on her face or the tears in her eyes as she watched the blood flow out.

She had made two more cuts before she finally began to feel some relief. She grabbed some tissue and held it firmly down on her thigh to stop the bleeding. She hadn't cut deep this time and she knew that the bleeding wouldn't take long to stop. A few minutes later a layer of blood dried over the cuts and Callie was able to get up. She taped down some gauze over her thigh and flushed all the tissue down the toilet. She wrapped up her blades back in the paper and quietly headed back to bed. Once she was safely under the covers she felt giddy with excitement - she had been successful.

* * *

><p>The following morning was a weekday and everyone was in a rush as usual. Two bathrooms weren't enough for five teenagers and the kitchen was chaotic as well.<p>

"It was easy for Callie to play things cool as no one was paying particular attention to her. Everyone was busy doing their own thing. She was dressed in loose jeans and had the blades safely tucked in her pocket. She plastered a smile on her face, ate two pancakes and said all the right things to keep herself out of the spotlight.

"Okay everyone in the car please." Lena announced as plates were left in the sink and backpacks were picked up.

"Shot gun." Jesus called as he ran to the car.

"No way." Mariana yelled. "You were in the front yesterday."

"So what?" Jesus argued. "I called so it's my seat." He said getting into the passenger side.

Mariana climbed into the back seat with a frown on her face and not so accidentally sacked Jesus in the head with her bag as she did.

"You're such a loser." Jesus yelled.

"Hey!" Lena chastised. "Cut it out or both of you can walk."

The bickering instantly died down and Lena drove to school.

* * *

><p>"Hey." Wyatt said as he caught up with Callie and gave her a kiss.<p>

"Hi yourself." She smiled at him.

"You seem happy today." He observed.

"You say that like it's a bad thing." Callie joked.

"No, no." Wyatt said. "Just unusual... for you, that is."

Callie shoved him playfully causing him to easily lift her off the ground in a fireman's lift. His grip on her leg falling right where she had cut.

Callie gasped at the pain and Wyatt instantly put her down.

"Sorry, did I hurt you?" He asked looking uneasy.

"I'm fine." Callie covered up. "Just cramps."

"Cramps huh? Isn't that supposed to put you in an even worse mood?" Wyatt tried to lighten the mood. "But I guess since you're naturally a freak PMS for you is everyone else's normal."

Wyatt had meant that as a joke but for Callie it was real. She was a freak and the fact that Wyatt had even thought it was proof that he had considered it too.

The feeling stuck with Callie for the rest of the day putting her in a more appropriate PMS mood and late that night she found herself back on the bathroom floor holding tissue to three more cuts on her leg and just like the night before she felt instantly relieved when the blood flowed out.

* * *

><p>"Wanna go to the mall?" Mariana asked after school the following day.<p>

"Um okay." Callie said. She didn't particularly enjoy the mall but it would give her something to do.

Mariana changed into a different outfit while Callie put on her shoes, still in the jeans she had worn to school.

"You should wear a dress." Mariana said casually to Callie.

"I don't do dresses." Callie laughed.

"You do too..." Mariana told her. "My Quinceañera and the wedding."

"Okay, I don't do dresses unless I'm forced to." Callie corrected herself.

"Fine, I'm forcing you." Mariana with an air of authority.

Callie stood up close to Mariana, about half a head taller than her. "You can force me when you're taller than me." She announced causing Mariana to slump her shoulders.

"Come on." Mariana pleaded. "It'll be fun to get you all dressed up."

"Um No." Callie said firmly as she walked out the door far away from Mariana.

* * *

><p>At the mall Mariana had made it her mission to find something different for Callie to wear that Callie would actually accept.<p>

"How about this?" She held up a short, black, short-sleeved dress with a brown belt.

"Again No." Callie said exasperated.

"It's black." Mariana stated as though that was gonna make a difference.

"It's still no." Callie confirmed.

"Ahh!" Mariana groaned in frustration. "There has to be something you'll wear besides jeans."

"Not likely." Callie replied.

* * *

><p>After another half an hour of unsuccessful coaxing Mariana finally allowed Callie to just pick out a few pairs of jeans to try. She only had four pairs and thought that getting a couple more couldn't hurt. She had enough money now that she was working part time and so she didn't even have to feel uncomfortable asking Stef or Lena for some cash.<p>

She was just taking off a pair when Mariana barged behind the changing room curtain holding a pair of dark-green culottes.

"How about this? They're just like pan..." Mariana began but stopped short when she saw the big white bandage on Callie's thigh.

"Hey!" Callie yelled, annoyed that Mariana had just barged in.

"What happened to your leg?" Mariana asked ignoring Callie's outburst.

"I scraped it while shaving." Callie said unconvincingly and she could see that Mariana didn't believe her.

"Please Mariana," Callie begged. "Don't say anything. I won't do it again I promise."

"But Callie..." Mariana started but was cut off.

"Please." Callie begged again with tears in her eyes.

Mariana wanted to argue but Callie looked so afraid. "Never again?" She asked Callie.

"Promise." Callie confirmed.

"Okay." Mariana said skeptically. "I won't say anything.


	3. Chapter 3

That night Callie was too afraid to do anything so she just stayed in bed. She had panicked when Lena had asked how their shopping went but was relieved when Mariana kept her word though she noticed that Mariana was reluctant to leave her alone for too long. The first chance she had she quickly split up her blades and was relieved she had done so because right before bed Mariana had demanded that Callie hand over hers. Callie protested some just to make it look like she only had the one but then eventually handed it over.

"If you need to talk just wake me." Mariana said as she slipped the blade into her drawer.

But Callie didn't need to do that. Each time she turned over Mariana would sit up and ask if she was okay. This began to annoy Callie more than anything.

"I'm fine." She snapped. "Just go to sleep."

"I'm just trying to help." Mariana said sounding hurt.

"I'm fine." Callie said again more gently this time.

Both girls stayed quiet for the rest of the night but neither really sleeping much.

* * *

><p>The following day Callie spent her lunch hour in the bathroom. She knew that she wouldn't be able to cut at home for a while, not with Mariana on her back so she used some of her lunch break to do it. She now had seven cuts on her thigh but she had forgotten to bring any gauze so her jeans rubbed against the cuts causing them to burn.<p>

Mariana looked out for Callie at lunch but couldn't find her. She assumed Callie had gone to check on Jude like she often did but still couldn't help but feel a pit in her stomach. Was Callie really okay? She now regretted promising to Callie that she'd keep quiet about the cutting. A few days after their trip to Disney her moms had sat the older kids down and explained what had really happened with Callie and encouraged them to support Callie and keep an eye out for her. Mariana had been afraid - she couldn't imagine feeling so much pain that you felt the need to for more.

Callie finally walked out to the lunch tables with fifteen minutes to spare.

"Where were you?" Mariana asked with a hint of worry in her voice.

"I had to stay in Science because I hadn't finished an experiment." Callie lied.

Mariana wasn't sure she believed her and Callie quickly walked away to avoid a confrontation.

"Gotta finish lunch." She said as she disappeared.

* * *

><p>Two periods later Callie was walking from one class to the next when Talya stopped her.<p>

"Hey Callie." She said softly. "I think you're leaking."

"What?" Callie asked confused.

Talya pointed towards Callie's thigh. "You need to change."

Callie looked down and saw a small red patch on her thigh. "Oh, thanks." She said smiling at Talya.

Talya had just given her an out. Callie headed straight for Lena's office.

"Hey Callie." Lena said surprised to see one of her kids come to her office. They usually preferred to stay as far away from her as possible during school.

"I um... I need to change." Callie said pointing to her jeans. "Please could I go home a little early today. It's embarrassing."

Lena looked down at Callie's jeans and realized what she was talking about. She didn't like allowing her kids to skip school but Callie already had a hard time making friends and the last thing she needed was for the kids to make fun of her and there was only one more class left anyways.

"What will you be missing?" Lena asked her.

"Environmental Science." Callie said. It wasn't a major subject.

"Alright." Lena finally said. "Just this once."

"Thanks." Callie smiled and rushed out of the school. She was finally free.

* * *

><p>An hour later Lena was waiting by her car for her kids.<p>

"Where's Callie?" Mariana asked as she got into the front seat. Jesus offered it to her since she had missed out on it in the morning.

"She went home before last period." Lena explained. She didn't think the boys needed to know why and so she didn't elaborate.

"What?" Mariana asked in mild horror.

Lena looked at her daughter and Mariana tried to silently convey her worry to her mother. Jude was sitting right behind her and although he was busy talking with Jesus she didn't want him to hear.

Lena immediately stepped on the gas. Her heart began to race as she watched Mariana take out the little blade from a box in her backpack. Mariana had meant to throw it away but had forgotten. Lena quickly took the box away from her daughter. "Call Mom." Lena instructed as she concentrated on getting to the house as fast as possible.

"Mom," Mariana said a few moments later. "Mama said to come home now please." Mariana kept her voice down but the urgency was still there.

"What happened?" Stef asked worriedly.

"Um..." Mariana faltered. She didn't know how to explain. Lena's rather rash driving had gotten the attention of the other kids and she didn't want them to know why.

"We're being tested." Lena said and Mariana repeated the phrase to Stef.

Stef instantly understood Lena's code. "I'm on my way." She said as she hung up.

* * *

><p>They arrived at the house in record time and Lena and Mariana both jumped out of it and ran up the stairs. "Check your room." Lena instructed Mariana as she herself headed for the bathroom.<p>

Both were empty. Lena began to feel sick and for the first time it wasn't due to the pregnancy.

"Brandon." She said as her oldest son came up the stairs. "I need you and Jesus to take Jude out and keep him busy."

"Why?" Brandon asked confused. "What's going on?"

"Just do it okay." Lena instructed. "Don't come back till I say it's okay. If it gets too late take them to your dad's."

Brandon gave his mom a skeptical look but then went back down to get his brothers. "We'll be at the batting cages." He called back.

* * *

><p>"When did you get this?" Lena asked Mariana holding up the box with the blade.<p>

"I took it from her yesterday." Mariana admitted. "She promised she would't do anything again so I didn't tell." She was feeling guilty now and hoped that her sister was okay.

"Try calling her." Lena instructed. "Don't tell her we know. Just find out where she is."

Mariana went to get her phone as Stef walked into the house.

"What's going on? Where's Callie?" she asked.

"I don't know." Lena said.

"What happened?" Stef asked beginning to panic herself.

"Mariana handed me a blade. She took it away from Callie yesterday." Lena said as she handed Stef the box.

Stef pulled out the blade. "This is from a razor." She said. "That means she should have three more."

The panic was clearly visible in both their eyes.

"I just wanted to know you were okay." Mariana said as she came out of her room causing both women to give her questioning looks. "Okay see you soon."

Mariana hung up and looked at her moms. "She said she went to the pharmacy to get something for her cramps." Mariana said. "I didn't tell her that I told you so she's on her way home now."

"Why didn't you just come to us Mariana?" Stef asked, clearly disappointed in her daughter.

"I'm sorry." Mariana said sadly. "She looked so miserable I just..." She trailed off. She knew and she had known then that she should have gone straight to them.

"Where did she cut?" Stef asked.

"Her thigh." Mariana answered.

"Oh my god!" Lena gasped. "She did it again today."

"What?" Stef asked. "You knew?"

"No." Lena answered. "She came home early because she wanted to change. She told me it leaked from her period. That's why I let her go."

"How are we going to handle this?" Stef asked.

"I don't know." Lena answered.

"Can I please not be here when you do this?" Mariana begged. "She's already going to be so mad at me I just don't want to watch."

"Your brother's are at the batting cages." Lena informed her. "You're having dinner at Mike's."

"Thanks." Mariana said as they all made their way downstairs. She opened the front door and found Callie right outside.

Callie was just about to open the door when Mariana did it. She noticed the guilty look on the younger girls face and she immediately began to panic.

"You didn't." Callie said miserably to Mariana.

"Come in here please." Stef said firmly answering Callie's question.

"I'm sorry." Mariana said as Callie continued to stare at her. "I'm really sorry."

Stef was by them now and she caught Callie's arm and closed the door. She didn't want Callie getting away.

Mariana watched her moms lead her sister into the living room before leaving the house to join her brothers.


	4. Chapter 4

"Why?" Lena asked almost in tears as Stef sat Callie down on the couch. "Things were going so well. Why would you do this?"

Callie remained quiet. She just stared at Lena. She knew that if she looked away they would interpret it as a feeling of regret and she wanted the upper hand, so she stared.

Stef could see that Callie was in a defiant mood and figured this wasn't going to get them anywhere. She was worried about Callie's thigh and wanted to make sure the cuts weren't deep and she needed to clean it properly. She assumed that Callie hadn't done that.

"Come on." She ordered as she caught Callie by the arm and pulled her to their bedroom. "Lena could you get the first aid kit please."

She lead Callie to the bed but instead of sitting her down she instructed her to take off her jeans.

"What?" Callie asked in anger. "You can't make me do that. That's abuse." She knew the reason that Stef was asking was anything but abusive but she also knew that the statement would upset her and right now all she wanted to do was upset her.

"Don't make this difficult Callie." Stef warned as she reached for the button at the top of Callie's jeans.

Callie backed away. "Don't. That's embarrassing." Callie said.

"Well you should have thought of that before you sliced up your thigh." Stef said annoyed. She had managed to undo the button but hadn't gotten further than that and Callie wasn't making it easy so she yanked the two ends apart effectively breaking the small zip and just pulled the jeans down.

"Ouch." Callie yelled in tears as the jeans scraped against her thigh. She looked at Stef accusingly.

Stef ignored Callie's looks as she sat her on the bed. Lena sat down next to Callie and handed Stef an alcohol wipe. They watched as Stef wiped the cuts as gently as she could. The alcohol burned Callie and although she didn't make a sound or move away she clenched her fists so tight that her knuckles were white. Lena reached for her hand to try and comfort her but Callie used her already clenched fist to knock it away.

"Callie." Stef warned as she continued working. They sat in silence while Stef applied antiseptic cream to the cuts and coved it up with gauze. She pressed down on the tape and just left her hand there for a moment as she looked at Callie. Callie really seemed uneasy at being so exposed and Stef wanted to explain to her that they didn't care if she was naked or not. To them she wasn't an outsider, she was a part of them and she didn't have to hide from them - not her body or her feelings. But she knew that Callie wasn't quite ready for that just yet. So instead she got up and put everything away and then grabbed a soft pair of fleece pajamas from her own drawer and handed them to Callie. "Here love, these won't hurt."

Callie took the pajamas. She hadn't wanted to accept anything from Stef but she liked sitting there in her underwear even less.

"Where were you Callie?" Lena asked. She still felt guilty at allowing her to leave school early and not realizing that Callie was trying to hide something from her.

Again Callie gave Lena that unrelenting stare.

"Callie please answer your mother." Stef said.

"I stopped at the pharmacy." Callie answered coldly. "I'm sure Mariana told you that already.

"What for?" Lena asked. "And don't say 'something for cramps'.

Callie didn't respond. She had gone to the pharmacy but she had wanted to get more blades just in case Mariana took her other two as well. She also picked up some gauze and tape so that she wouldn't finish the house stock and cause concern. She hadn't expected Mariana to tell on her - Mariana was constantly keeping secrets herself and Callie had thought she could trust her.

Stef left the room and came back a few minutes later with Callie's backpack. She began to open it causing Callie to jump up.

"That's mine." Callie yelled and Stef instantly knew that she wouldn't like what she was about to find.

Stef grabbed Callie as Lena took over the task of opening up the bag. She pulled out a small brown paper bag and dumped the contents out on the floor. Callie slumped against Stef at the sight. A packet of double-edged shaving blades, a roll of gauze and a roll of tape all fell out.

Stef tightened her grip on Callie. What had suddenly started bothering Callie? Why had she not come to them when she began to feel upset? And more importantly why hadn't they noticed? Stef already knew most of the answers - Callie couldn't get adopted, didn't know who her father was and got taken away from them for a night. Callie had been opening up to them and they had all been so busy with other things that they began to watch her less. They shouldn't have just assumed that she was okay.

Stef released Callie and picked up the packet of blades. "Where are the others?" She asked Callie.

"There aren't any others." Callie answered.

"Yes there are, from the razor." Stef replied knowingly.

Callie gave Stef a dirty look. The damn cop never missed anything. She opened the front zip of the backpack and pulled out the piece of paper with the other blades and handed it over.

"Why didn't you come to us Callie?" Lena asked. "Why did you do this?" She gestured towards her leg.

Callie just shrugged.

"Come on Callie." Lena said with a sigh. "We've been through all this. Let's just talk please." She wasn't feeling very well and she needed to eat before she got nauseous.

"I don't want to talk." Callie said firmly. "You can't make me."

"You want to have to stay by one of us all day everyday?" Lena asked her. "Is that what you want?"

"Yes." Callie answered sarcastically. "That's exactly what I want."

Stef watched the scene unfold and she could see that Callie was trying to get a rise out of them. Lena had made her statement trying to get Callie to talk but they all already knew that Callie was going to be by their side for quite a while.

"Callie..." Lena began but was cut of by Stef's phone.

"Hey Mike." Stef answered.

"Hey Stef." Brandon asked if it was okay for the kids were coming over for dinner tonight and if I could drop them home later. Is everything okay?"

"Yes Mike." Stef answered. "Sorry I meant to call you but..." She didn't know what to say.

"Is Lena okay? And the baby?" Mike asked concerned.

"Yes she's fine." Stef assured him. "We're home. Callie's with us, she's having a hard time."

"Oh." Mike said. She had told him about Callie's self harm and knew this was serious. "I feed the kids. You deal with that." He told her.

"Thanks Mike." Stef said. "You really come through for us." She said sincerely remembering all the times that he had stepped in to help them out, first when Callie ran away and then when Jesus wanted to get off his pills. He was a good man and she was proud to call him family.

The call had broken some of the tension in the room and so Stef suggested that they all go down and get something to eat. She knew that Lena needed to eat soon for she'd be miserable for the rest of the day. She also knew that trying to force Callie to talk wouldn't work so she hoped that the extra time would help her figure out a different way to handle Callie.


	5. Chapter 5

An hour later Stef had lost any hope of handling the situation differently. Callie was trying to anger her in any way possible. She defied them at every step. She refused to eat no matter what they offered her and she pointedly told them that even if they watched her twenty-four-seven, if she wanted to do something she'd find a way.

Stef had taken that more as a threat than a truth and Callie noticed that in her eyes, so with a smug smile she picked up a glass and smashed it on the table leaving a multitude of glass shards ready for the taking.

Stef instantly pushed Callie away from the table a little too hard causing the girl to fall over a stool and land on the floor with a thud. Stef regretted it immediately but Callie just smiled - she was getting the reactions she wanted.

"Callie stop it." Stef warned angrily.

"I can always get out of your sight." Callie said too sweetly, knowing full well that it was the last thing they wanted.

Stef was loosing her patients now and she was trying hard not to give in to Callie's taunting. The problem was that they were so much alike that Callie knew exactly what buttons to push.

"Just a thought." Callie said as she got off the floor.

Stef decided to just ignore Callie until she could calm herself down. Instead she got a rag and collected all the glass on a plate and took it outside to dispose of in the main trash. She didn't want Callie getting a hold of it. When she came back Lena was already rinsing out their plates. Callie's untouched sandwich still lay on the counter. Callie was sitting on the stool watching all this like it was a show going on solely for her entertainment and this got Stef even more annoyed.

"Let's go." Stef told Callie and watched the girl stand up and follow her out the door. She wanted some space away from Callie to calm down but she knew she couldn't leave her alone with Lena. Her behavior right now wasn't something Lena would be able to control.

Stef couldn't quite figure out Callie's plan. The girl seemed to go against her in every way but also did whatever she was told without a fuss. What was her game? This was a side to Callie that they had never seen before. Up to now all of Callie's actions had been defensive - even the last time they went through this there was fear and all Callie needed was assurance, but this time her behavior was cold and hard. Stef realized that this time Callie wasn't just afraid, this time she was angry.

* * *

><p>She lead Callie up to her bedroom and shut the door. She sat her on the bed and then headed into the bathroom to change out of her uniform leaving the door ajar. When she got back Callie was still sitting in the same position and Stef wanted to and sit beside her but she wasn't quite ready yet. She was trying to figure out a way to get Callie to talk to them and so she bought herself a few more minutes by pulling her hair out of it's bun and brushing it out.<p>

Finally she went to sit by the teen. "Okay Callie." She said. "What's going on?" Her voice was soft and full of love and Callie wished that she could just tell them what was bothering her but she couldn't find the words. Where was she supposed to start? How everything was against her? How people kept making promises that they couldn't keep. How there were so many reminders that Callie's wasn't really part of this family or how she felt like she was constantly living with one foot out the door?

These thoughts kept plaguing Callie and she did the one thing she was really good at - she changed all her emotions into anger and directed it at Stef. "NOTHING!" She screamed. "Nothing is going on. Why can't you just leave me alone. I'm so tired of all this 'we' crap. I just need some space."

"I can't give you that space." Stef said exasperatedly. "Not if you use it to hurt yourself."

"You don't get it." Callie said dejectedly.

"What don't I get? Talk to me. Help me understand." Stef pleaded.

"I'm not hurting myself." Callie said.

"Yes you are Callie." Stef argued.

"No, it's just the opposite." Callie said. "It takes the pain away."

Stef knew what Callie meant. After she caught her the first time she and Lena had spent a lot of time reading about self-harm and how to deal with it and they had learned that most self-harmers weren't suicidal, all they were looking for was temporary relief from intense emotions. It was most common amongst teens and young adults who suffered from depression, abuse, neglect and other such occurrences and she knew that Callie had had her fair share of them.

"We want to help you find another way to do that." Stef finally said.

Callie just remained quiet. She knew that there was no other way. She had tried before but the feelings just kept coming back.

"Callie I think we need some help." Stef continued and she watched Callie look at her in confusion. "I don't know how to help you, baby. As much as I want to I don't know what to do and I need someone to help me out."

Callie was still confused. What was Stef talking about?

Stef took a deep breath. She knew that this wasn't going to go well. "We're going to go see a therapist together."

She watched as Callie began to panic. "No." Callie pleaded as tears filled her eyes. "Please, I'll never do it again. I promise."

Stef was crying now too and she reached out for the girl trying to calm her down. "Callie listen to me." She begged but Callie didn't want to hear anything.

"Leave me alone." Callie said as she backed away from Stef. "Just let me be, I've been fine taking care of myself for years and I know I can do it again if you would just leave me alone."

Stef continued to cry as she watched Callie. She looked so hurt and Stef hated that she couldn't do anything about it.

"I need some air." Callie finally said as her crying turned into soft sobs. The room was starting to feel small and Callie was beginning to feel trapped.

"Let's go to the back yard." Stef suggested. She didn't really want to take Callie outside but Callie really looked like she was about to pass out and Stef thought that some fresh air would be good and it was rare for Callie to actually ask for something so she wanted to just give it to her.

* * *

><p>Out in the back yard Stef and Lena were sitting on the grass against a bench with Callie between them.<p>

"Feel better?" Stef asked as Callie's breathing evened out.

Callie didn't respond. She felt completely numb and she wanted nothing more than to get away from Stef and Lena. They were crowding her now and she hated it. She had to think of a way to get some space.

"My leg hurts, can I have an aspirin?" She asked Stef. She knew that Lena wouldn't be able to get up easily and with Stef away for a moment she'd be able to run.

As soon as Stef entered the house Callie pulled away from Lena and got up. Lena caught Callie's arm and used it to stand up herself. She didn't want Callie to get away.

"STEF." Lena yelled as Callie tried to get her arm away from Lena's grasp without knocking her over.

But the moment Stef was at the door Callie knew this was her only chance. She pushed Lena down onto the grass and bolted out the back gate. She knew that there was no way Stef would leave Lena lying on the ground just to chase after her.


	6. Chapter 6

"Lena." Stef gasped as she reached her wife's side. "Are you okay?" Lena tried to get up but Stef stopped her. "No baby don't move."

"Stef I'm fine. She held on to me as she pushed me down. I didn't fall. But you need to go after her." Stef didn't want to leave Lena but the look Lena gave her forced her to comply.

Stef was out the gate less than a minute after Callie but Callie was already gone.

Stef contemplated looking for her but she had no idea which way to go so instead she headed back to the yard and to her wife. She was still extremely concerned about Lena.

* * *

><p>Callie had run around the first corner and hidden behind a car. She had expected Stef to come after her and a part of her hoped that she would. She wanted Stef to come and drag her back to the house just so she could know that Lena was alright. She hadn't planned on pushing Lena but when Lena caught her arm and Stef headed towards them Callie needed to run. She now felt extremely guilty for hurting Lena even though she had held on to her as she pushed her down to keep her from falling before pulling her arm away from her grasp.<p>

When Callie was convinced that Stef wasn't coming for her she got up and began walking aimlessly down the sidewalk. She had no idea where she was headed and she didn't care. All she could think about was whether or not Lena was okay and whether she had, in fact, gone too far this time.

Callie kept walking for another five or so minutes before she realized that all she had done was walk around the block and was now headed back towards the front of their house. Her need to know what was happening to Lena and what her future held was too strong and so with one last deep breath Callie headed back into the house.

* * *

><p>Stef had helped Lena onto the couch and they were still arguing about whether or not to make a trip to the ER when they heard the front door open. Both women turned to look and found Callie standing in the doorway looking extremely afraid.<p>

Lena wanted to hug Callie and assure her that she was fine. The way Callie had gripped her arm proved to her that she cared and that she hadn't meant what she did to be hurtful. Stef's face, on the other hand, showed nothing but anger the moment she saw Callie.

Lena reached out her hand for Callie but Stef's expression kept Callie rooted in her place. "Please come here baby." Lena encouraged. She refrained from trying to get up and go to her for fear of upsetting Stef even more.

Stef was furious at Callie and she was starting to get furious at Lena too. Why was she letting Callie get away with what she did. She wanted to stop Lena but she didn't want to upset her. If Lena wanted Callie then by god she was going to get her.

Stef headed towards Callie to direct her towards Lena but the anger in her face was still evident causing Callie to interpret Stef's approach differently. She thought Stef was going to come after her. Instinctively she cowered and covered her face with her arms while turning her back on Stef waiting for whatever was coming.

Stef stopped dead in her tracks at Callie's reaction. Did she really think she was going to hit her? She turned back towards Lena silently begging the woman to tell her what to do.

Lena nodded towards Callie giving Stef the encouragement she needed to approach the girl. She watched as Stef grabbed Callie and pulled her into a fierce hug.

"Stef." Lena whispered pleadingly, begging her to bring Callie to her. She wanted to just hold Callie and never let her go.

Stef finally released a shaking Callie and lead her back to the couch where she was immediately enveloped into another fierce hug.

"I'm okay." Lena assured Callie as she held her.

"I pushed you." Callie said miserably.

"But you didn't let me fall." Lena told her. "You didn't let me fall." She said again to emphasize her point.

* * *

><p>They just sat like that for what seemed like forever until Lena asked Stef to get her some ginger ale and crackers.<p>

"Callie come help me." Stef instructed as she got up.

Callie didn't want to be alone with Stef and Lena felt her stiffen in her arms.

"She's fine here." Lena said as she squeezed Callie.

"No Lena." Stef said. She wasn't willing to leave Callie alone with Lena no matter how sorry she seemed.

"Stef." Lena tried to assure her wife. She didn't want another argument and she knew that Stef was still extremely angry with Callie.

"Fine she can stay. But I'm staying too." Stef said firmly as she sat back down giving both Lena and Callie an angry stare.

Callie could feel the anger building up in herself as well. She knew what she had done was wrong but she would never ever do it again. Stef's distrust of her hurt her but she couldn't risk letting Stef see that she was hurting so she let it boil into anger instead.

Once the anger at reached it's limit Callie just stood up and without asked for permission from anyone she left the room and walked up the stairs to her room.

"What do you think you're doing?" Stef asked as she reached the top of the stairs and Callie was about to close her bedroom door.

"Going to my room." Callie answered.

"No you're not." Stef stated.

Callie just continued to glare at her as she slammed the door and locked it.


	7. Chapter 7

This time Stef didn't bang down the door. This time she went to her own room and grabbed the bunch of keys she kept in a drawer and unlocked Callie's door. She wasn't sure what she'd find Callie doing inside but her gut told her that it wouldn't be something dangerous and she was right.

She found Callie sitting on her bed ripping up a notebook to shreds.

"There are going to be consequences for that." Stef said walking towards the girl.

Callie looked up at her waiting for more detail.

"I don't know what yet but it's coming." Stef assured.

She hadn't completely thought this through. What could she do? Callie was already basically grounded for a couple of weeks and she really didn't want to take away the girls phone because she had a habit of running. So what was left. She decided that Lena would be better at figuring that out. Stef just wanted to shake the girl and knock some sense into her but that definitely wasn't an option.

Instead, Stef reached out for the notebook in Callie's grasp and salvaged what was left of it. There weren't too many pages left but Stef could tell that it was an essay. She knew that Timothy often had his students write essays about real situations and if this was one of them she knew it would be good, and from the way that Callie was destroying it, probably one that could give them some answers.

Stef diverted her eyes to the pages already torn. Most of them were only torn in two or four pieces and Stef wondered if she would be able to put it back together.

Lena walked into the room then and Stef went to her. "Are you okay?" Stef asked her as she guided Lena onto Mariana's bed.

"I'm fine Stef. I promise." Lena assured. She knew she was just going to have to bare with Stef fussing over her for a while at least. "What's going on here?" She asked trying to move the focus off of herself.

"We need to come up with a consequence for Callie." Stef said. "She locked herself in her room again."

Lena looked over at Callie to judge her reaction but Callie just fidgeted with the pieces of paper lying around her.

"What's that?" Lena asked as she got up to go to Callie. Stef went with her as well and Lena fought the urge to roll her eyes.

"Was this your english homework?" Lena asked as she looked over some of the pieces. She didn't expect Callie to respond so she continued to study the words to try and figure out the topic.

"What are you going to had in tomorrow?" Lena continued.

Callie still didn't answer and so Lena thought of something that would keep them all together but still doing individual activities.

* * *

><p>Ten minutes later Stef and Callie were at the kitchen table with work spread out in front of them and Lena was busy making dinner. There were only going to be the three of them so Lena just made some grilled chicken and mashed potatoes and a salad. Stef was busy writing a report that she hadn't been able to finish earlier, but would constantly look up at Lena to make sure that she was okay and Callie was sitting there, not writing a new essay for English.<p>

"Need some help?" Lena asked her gently.

"No." Callie said.

"What's the topic?" Lena questioned.

Callie remained silent. One thing about Timothy's essays was that if you didn't want anyone to read it then you were allowed to keep it to yourself so long as you actually wrote something. The only reason Callie ever wrote her true feelings at all was because of this fact and she wasn't comfortable sharing anything with Stef or Lena either.

"It's fear" Lena stated more than asked as she studied Callie's face. She had figured out the topic as she went through Callie's last essay but she still hadn't figured out the contents.

"Is there something you're afraid of?" Lena continued when Callie said nothing. "Would you tell us what it is?"

Callie still didn't say anything. She wanted to tell Lena to just leave her alone because she didn't want them to know what she was really afraid of but after what she had already done to Lena she was too afraid to do anything.

"Why don't we have dinner and then you can try again." Lena suggested. She wanted Callie to open up to them but she didn't want to push her. She didn't want Callie to go back to being defiant because then Stef would intervene and they would both loose it.

* * *

><p>It was during the dinner with some light conversation between Stef and Lena that the other kids got home.<p>

"Hey moms." Jesus said as he plucked a cherry-tomato out of the salad bowl.

"You just ate two burgers Jesus." Jude said in disgust. "How can you eat anything more?"

Jesus just laughed "It's a talent dude." He said.

Jude sat down at the table to join his family but didn't eat a bite. Mariana was the only one who became increasingly engrossed in some mail on the counter between the kitchen and the breakfast nook.

A moment later Brandon and Mike entered and Stef and Lena got up to talk to him.

"Thanks so much for this." Lena said sincerely to Mike when they had walked out of earshot but still in sight of the kids.

"Sure no problem. It was fun." Mike replied with a smile. "Everything okay here?" He asked.

"We're fine." Stef said. "How much was dinner?"

"What?" Mike asked with a laugh.

"Mike, you don't have to feed all my kids." Stef tried to argue.

"It was fine Stef. You've got great kids and I really enjoyed myself." Mike answered.

"Thanks Mike." Stef said as she realized that her and Mike had never been this close even when they were married. It made her realize all the more, just how much her lack of acceptance of who she really was, hurt Mike. He was a good man and he deserved better. She really hoped that Dani would be the one for him despite her previous mistakes.

"Well I gotta get home." Mike said as he walked towards the door. "Got the early shift tomorrow."

They walked Mike to the door and waited till he got into his car and then they headed back to their kids.

* * *

><p>Stef and Lena raced up the stairs when they found their daughters were no longer in the kitchen.<p>

"How could you?" Callie was yelling right at Mariana's face when Stef opened the door. "I trusted you."

Stef went over to Callie to grab her and pull her away from Mariana. She had never seen Callie so angry before and it scared her.

"I'm sorry." Mariana said with tears in her eyes. "I wanted them to help you."

"They don't care about me!" Callie yelled with so much force that her body shuddered. "They don't care about any of us. Why do you think she wants her own baby." She tried to shrug off Stef's hold but was unsuccessful.

"CALLIE." Lena yelled as the realization hit her. The baby was the reason that Callie was so upset. She was the reason that Callie was so upset.

"Even if they do love you, you'll never really be theirs." Callie said in a much softer yet much more emotional tone, completely ignoring Lena.

Lena felt like she had been punched in the stomach. She turned towards Mariana hoping that the girl didn't believe what she had just been told but the look on her face told Lena that the words had hurt. Lena began to step towards Mariana to comfort her when she heard a sob behind her. She turned around to see her three sons standing in the hall watching the scene. All of them with grim faces and the two younger ones with tears in their eyes.

Lena didn't know what to do. She didn't know how to comfort them or prove to them that they were the world to her. She didn't know how to do that because she wondered if it was, in face, a lie. Was Callie right? Would this baby end up being more important to her than her other five children? Lena silently walked out of the room, down the stairs and out the front door. She couldn't bare to see their hurt faces any longer.


	8. Chapter 8

Stef sank down onto the floor. She wanted to go after Lena. She knew she was hurting but she couldn't leave her children like this. They were hurting too and so Lena would just have to wait. Stef just hoped that Lena would be safe in the meantime.

Stef was no longer angry at Callie. By now she was just exhausted. But her kids still needed her. She watched as they began to disappear one by one. First Brandon, then Jude and Jesus and then Mariana until finally there was only Callie left. Callie had nowhere to go. No one wanted her around them.

"I'm sorry." Callie said flatly. She was sorry, not for saying what she believed to be the truth but for the way she had said it and the chaos she had caused. She hadn't meant to pass her feelings to the others, especially Jude, but Mariana had made her so angry.

"Don't." Stef stopped her. She didn't have the strength to deal with Callie right now. A part of her hated what Callie had done but another part of her also didn't want her to apologize for being honest.

She knew she had to go after her children. She needed to get them all together and talk to them. But first she needed to make sure that she wouldn't loose her temper no matter what any of them said. None of her kids were strong enough to handle that right now.

* * *

><p>After a few minutes Stef lead Callie into the hall to find the other kids. She would have like to be able talk to them with Lena but that was obviously not going to happen. She found them all huddled in Brandon's room, two of them still crying.<p>

"You've always been my brother and sister." Brandon was saying to the twins. He wanted them to know that he never felt like they didn't belong.

Mariana and Jude were sitting on Brandon't bed, both had tears in their eyes. Jesus was on the floor and Brandon was sitting on his keyboard bench.

"My babies." Stef said sadly as she entered the room. She wanted to wrap them all up in a hug and never let go. She wanted to protect them from the world - and especially from what was their world right now. She released her grip on Callie's shoulder and climbed onto the bed. She pulled Jude close to her and gave him a tight squeeze. She looked around at her children. They were all waiting for her to say something. None of them knew what to say. None of them knew what to believe.

She finally glanced back at Callie still standing against the doorframe. "Come sit, love." Stef patted the space on the bed next to her. But Callie didn't move. She stood there for a minute until she realized that Stef wasn't going to continue until she was sitting and so she just slumped down the frame into a ball.

Stef knew that it was the closest she was going to get to Callie and so she turned her attention back to her other kids.

"Do all of you feel the way Callie feels?" Stef finally bit the bullet. Her kids just stayed silent. She knew that the silence meant 'yes'.

"Did any of you feel this way before Callie brought it up?" Stef continued. This time she took it in turns to look directly at each child hoping to get a response.

Mariana was the first. "Not really." She admitted slowly.

"Jesus?" Stef turned her attention to him.

"No." Jesus said firmly and Stef couldn't stop the smile that crept up her face.

"Jude." Stef asked, turning him so she could look at his face. But Jude continued to remain silent.

Stef sighed and then turned her attention to Brandon. "What about you B? Are you upset that Lena wasn't to have a baby?"

"No." Brandon replied with as much force as Jesus had a moment earlier. "But..." He continued and then stopped.

"But what?" Stef asked him.

Brandon looked around uncomfortably at the twins and Jude before looking back at his mother.

"But what, B?" Stef asked again.

"But I guess I never felt like I didn't belong. I've never known what it's like to have no one. I always had that connection with you." Brandon said softly. He had never once considered his siblings to be outsiders but he was starting to realize that he had never seen things from his point of view. They never even had even one parent to love enough to put them first. He came from a broken home but he still always had not just two but three people who loved him.

"Come here B." Stef said as she patted the spot she had asked Callie to come to earlier. "You have been an amazing brother. Just because you haven't been through the same things that the others have doesn't mean it's easier for you. I could never be more proud of you." She said as she hugged him.

"As as for you three..." She said looking at Jude and the twins, knowing full well that she wasn't including Callie in this. "I love you just as much as I love Brandon and mama does too. The day that we sighed the adoption papers for each of you I felt just the same amount of love as I did when I held Brandon in my arms." She waited for a few moments letting her words sink in. Her kids all had tears in their eyes and they all looked like they honestly believed her so she decided it was a good place to end the conversation for tonight, but she wanted to end it with a smile so she added, "Maybe even more so, I didn't have to go through nine hours of labor with any of you."

The kids all had to laugh at that. Even Callie couldn't stop the small smile that caught her lips. But it didn't mask the hurt in her eyes and Stef noticed that.

"Alright babies, time for bed." Stef said. "B. I'm going to look for mama so could you keep an eye on the others." She gave him one last squeeze.

"Sure mom." Brandon smiled.

"Come on Callie, Let's go find Lena." Stef said as she got up and left the room.

* * *

><p>Stef and Callie drove around for a while. Stef tried to think of all the places she could have gone. She wished that Lena had at least stopped to take her phone or car before she left but she knew that she'd been too upset to think practically.<p>

"Do you hate me now?" Callie asked, breaking the silence.

"I don't hate you Callie." Stef said with a sigh. "I'm angry with you, yes. But I don't hate you."

Callie seemed to be processing this answer.

"Why didn't you just come to us and tell us what was bothering you?" Stef asked.

Callie just shrugged and focused on her hands.

"Don't shrug at me Callie." Stef begged as she pulled the car over to the side of the road and turned her entire attention to the teen sitting next to her. "Talk to me instead. It doesn't always have to be a battle, it doesn't have to be this hard. All you have to do is let us in. We want that so much but you just don't seem to ever see that."

Callie continued to stare at her hands giving no response.

Stef sighed as she gave up and continued driving.

Suddenly Stef thought of something that Lena had said to her years before, when they had first met. 'I love the ocean.' She had said. 'That's why I was so excited when I got offered a job at this school.' and just like that Stef knew exactly where she would find her wife.

* * *

><p>Stef drove to the school and directly onto the beach and sure enough she saw Lena sitting high on a rock looking out onto the ocean. She pulled up close to the rocks and then got out motioning for Callie to follow. They began to climb up the slippery rocks and weren't too far from Lena when Stef turned to Callie.<p>

"Sit here." She instructed softly. And then in a more demanding tone she added. "Stay where I can see you and don't do anything stupid, it's dangerous out here." She kept her gaze on Callie until she got a small nod in response. "I'm watching you." Stef warned as she continued up the rocks.

She tried to find the best way to the top but the rocks were slippery and she couldn't help but wonder what Lena was thinking as she climbed up. It wasn't like her to make such a risky choice. She finally got to Lena and saw that she was crying. She sat down quietly beside her and pulled her into a hug and just let her cry. She was relieved when Lena leaned into her hug.

After a few moments Stef glanced back to make sure that Callie was still sitting where she had left her. This action pulled Lena out of her own thoughts.

"I should have listened to you when you said no." Lena finally said with a sob. "You said it wasn't a good idea and that we already had all these great kids."

"Hey, hey, hey." Stef shushed her. "That's not why I said no and you know that." Stef didn't want her to feel for one second that she didn't think Lena loved their kids.

"But I hurt them." Lena said and then emphasized. "All of them. They looked so hurt when they heard Callie."

"Callie put those thoughts in their heads, Lena." Stef tried to explain but Lena cut her off.

"No, Stef." She said miserably. "She just voiced it."

Stef sighed. How could she explain that the kids had already told her that they hadn't thought of it before. She wished she could have stopped Callie from going upstairs with Mariana - why the hell had she left her alone to walk Mike to the door?

The thought made her suddenly snap her head back to look for Callie. She had been so focused on Lena that she hadn't kept her eye on her. She gave a frustrated sigh of relief when she saw Callie still sitting in her spot, looking down and fidgeting with something at her feet.

"Lena, the kids don't think that. I promise." Stef tried to assure her. "They were upset, I agree, but they know you love them."

"How could I have done this?" Lena continued as though Stef hadn't spoken. "In a house full of broken kids how could I have said I wanted my own baby?" Her own words made her cringe.

Stef knew she had to get Lena out of this thought process before it spiraled out of control. All this talking wasn't working and she knew she had to switch to her own strength - tough love.

She shifted her position so that she was no longer hugging Lena but, instead, holding her at arm's length to look at her.

"Do you love the kids we have?" Stef asked her seriously.

"Of course." Lena said emphatically.

"Alright." Stef accepted the answer then continued. "Do you love this baby?"

"Yes." Lena said with just as much force.

"Do you love them all the same?" Stef asked bluntly.

"I do." Lena said softly hoping her words would convey just how true they were.

"Alright then." Stef said in conclusion. "Then you have nothing to worry about."

"But they don't believe that." Lena argued. "They think..."

But Stef cut her off. "That's right," She said. "They only _think _that you don't love them. If you did feel differently about them there would have been a problem but you don't so now all we have to do is show them that you do."

Lena tried to process Stef's words. She knew that she was right, she just didn't know how to go about it.

"How do I make them understand?" She finally asked. "How do I make them see that wanting this baby had nothing to do with them being not enough?"

"You explain to them why you want this baby." Stef advised. "Be honest with them, even if it's a little uncomfortable."

Lena nodded, Stef was right. If they wanted the kids to be honest with them then they also had to be honest with the kids.

"Let's go home." Lena finally said as she came to her decision.

Stef smiled at Lena as she helped her up. She turned to help Lena down but her heart stopped. Callie was gone.


	9. Chapter 9

"CALLIE!" Stef yelled as she cursed silently to herself, looking into the darkness for the girl.

"Lena, wait here for me." Stef instructed as she rushed down the rocks not really caring when she kept slipping.

"CALLIE!" She yelled again from a little further down the rocks.

"I'm here." Came Callie's voice from the foot of the rocks.

Stef couldn't describe the relief she felt. It was well past midnight and Stef dealt with too much at work to not think about what could have happened to Callie had she gone off by herself.

"I told you to stay put." Stef yelled as she reached the bottom, letting her eyes scan over Callie to make sure she was okay.

"I just needed to stand up but it was slippery up there so I came down here instead." Callie said with an edge to her voice. She wanted to be difficult but wasn't willing to push too far.

"You should have told me." Stef continued to yell.

"You were busy." Callie said in an accusatory tone.

Stef looked at Callie. She knew the girl was trying to push her. She just couldn't understand why. One moment she was doing everything she was told but the next she'd do just the opposite.

"Why do you keep pushing me Callie?" Stef asked exasperatedly. "Why do you keep doing the things you know will make me angry?"

Lena had reached them by now and instantly tried to defuse the situation.

"Stef, let's get home first." She tried to reason with her wife.

"No Lena." Stef stopped her. "She can't keep doing this."

"Stef." Lena tried again. "Please, let's just go home."

Stef resigned in frustration. "I just want an answer." She mumbled as she lead her wife and daughter back to the car.

But Callie refused to give her one. She wasn't about to tell Stef that she had seen some discarded beer bottles lying to the side and amongst it a pocket-knife with the bottle-opener tool still pulled out.

* * *

><p>It was past two when they finally got home and they were all exhausted. Lena went to check on her other children and she wasn't sure if she was thankful or regretful when she found them all asleep. She wanted to talk to them so badly but she wasn't sure she had the energy to do it tonight. She decided that they'd all stay home the next day. Stef, Callie and her had already been up more than half the night and the other's could also use a day at home with their family.<p>

When Lena got back to her room she found Stef struggling to keep Callie still as she tried to clean her thigh.

"Five minutes." Stef begged Callie in frustration. "Just give me five minutes without making me fight with you." She was so close to tears and both Lena and Callie could see it.

"Why don't you let me do this." Lena said as she tried to take over from Stef. "You go take a few minutes."

"No Lena, I'm okay." Stef said hurriedly.

"Stef, I'll be fine." Lena said softly but in a tone that Stef knew wasn't leaving room for discussion. When Lena saw that Stef was accepting her answer she continued. "Why don't you go get ready for bed and when you get back we'll be done."

Stef gave her a skeptical look prompting Lena to assure her again. "We'll be fine."

Finally Stef walked into the bathroom leaving the door slightly open incase she was needed.

* * *

><p>"You really need to sleep Stef." Lena said as she turned to face her wife.<p>

It was early morning and Stef had tossed and turned through the rest of the night. Lena had managed to sleep for a few hours and luckily for them Callie had crashed the moment her head hit the pillow. Now Stef was lying propped up on a pillow facing Callie and Callie was asleep in between them facing Stef.

"She looks so peaceful." Stef said as she watched Callie's slow, even breathing.

"She feels safe here." Lena said softly.

"I hope she does but I'm not so sure." Stef admitted.

"She's fast asleep between us." Lena said by way of explanation. "When she first got here she was so afraid that she hardly ever slept and would wake up at the slightest sound, remember?" She asked hoping Stef would see just how much Callie really had come to trust them.

Stef sighed as she remember those days. She instinctively reached out her hand to stroke Callie's head but stopped just before she touched the girl.

"Don't hold back, Stef." Lena gently encouraged her as she reached out her own hand to meet Stef's, right above Callie's head and force it down.

The touch caused Callie to stir and Stef immediately pulled her hand away.

"Good morning sleepyhead." Lena said affectionately looking down at Callie as she opened her eyes.

Callie looked around her for a moment trying to figure out if she needed to get up. When she noticed that it was still pretty dark outside she groaned, pulled the covers up to her chin and curled into Stef.

Lena gave Stef an 'I told you so look' as Stef wrapped an arm around Callie pulling her closer, her eyes damp and her heart filled with love for the girl. This was all she wanted, for Callie to come to her willingly.

* * *

><p>All three must have dozed off because the next thing Lena knew, Mariana was tiptoeing towards her from the door.<p>

"Hey baby." Lena greeted as she sat up in bed and pulled Mariana close. Lena relaxed when she felt Mariana lean into her - she knew then that Stef was right, things would be okay soon.

"Let's go get everyone together." She said as she got out of bed. "We need to talk."

* * *

><p>Less than ten minutes later the three boys came into the master bedroom, all of them with sleepy eyes and disheveled hair. Stef and Callie had gone to brush their teeth and when they got back the bed was full. Stef smiled as she saw Lena surrounded by the kids. Not one of them looked like they didn't belong. Stef went over to the bed and squeezed in too but Callie remained standing in the middle of the room.<p>

"Come on sweets," Stef said kindly beckoning for Callie to join them but the girl remained frozen.

Lena untangled herself from her kids and went over to Callie. "Come sit with us baby." She encouraged kindly.

Lena lead Callie to the bed and pulled her down next to her. "You're part of this family too and what I have to say, I have to say to all of you."

Callie shot Stef a skeptical look and Stef knew exactly why. She knew she was going to have to have a talk with Callie about their conversation last night but right now wasn't the time.

"I want all of you to know that I love you very, very much." Lena began. "I'm sorry that this baby is making you doubt that - I never for one second felt like this baby was more important than any of you and I don't want you to think that I'm replacing you."

She looked at the faces around her and smiled a little. They all looked so hopeful and she knew she had to continue. "I want a baby because I want to know what it feels like to be pregnant, have a person grow inside me, give birth, feed them. She looked to Callie and Mariana and added, "It's something I'm sure you'll feel one day when the time is right." After a moment she continued, "I'm sorry if I made you feel like you weren't wanted but I want you to understand that I never meant to hurt you. I never felt for one second that I was replacing you and I didn't think you would feel that either. I want you all to know that there is nothing you can't tell me. Mom and I will always be there to help you with whatever you need and this baby doesn't change that. You don't have to be afraid to come to us, understand?"

She received nods of all her kids. "Do you have anything you want to ask or say?" She asked them.

"Are you still going to adopt Callie?" Jude asked softly.

"What?" Stef and Lena both said in shock together.

"Of course we're going to adopt her." Stef assured him.

She glanced from Jude to Callie and noticed her giving him a silent warning. Suddenly she knew that Jude knew something.

"Why would you ask that Jude?" Stef turned her attention back to him.

Jude was about to answer when Callie cut him off, "Jude don't." She warned.

From her tone Stef knew that things were going to fall apart and she didn't want all the kids here for it. Once again she instructed Brandon to take the twins downstairs for breakfast and that the rest of them would join them soon.

Callie tried to leave with the other three but Stef wasn't having it. "Sit back down, Callie." She instructed and sat right next to her so that she couldn't get away.

Lena pulled Jude over to her and set him so that his back was to Stef and Callie. She didn't want him to have to look at his sister incase she scared him out of answering them.

"What were you going to say Jude?" She asked him.

Jude turned to look at Callie but Lena stopped him. "No Jude, look at me. Callie is going to be fine. We are trying to help her and we need to know whatever it is you know so that we can. I know you think that she'll be mad at you but you don't have to worry, I promise you that everything will be okay."

"Jude." Callie warned again when Lena stopped talking to give him a chance to speak.

"Jude." Lena mimicked in a gentler tone, assuring him that he was doing the right thing.

"That's what Callie wrote in her essay." Jude finally said.

Lena looked completely shocked as she transferred her gaze to Callie.

"You did the right thing." Stef assured Jude as he slowly turned around to look at his sister and noticed that she had gone completely still and her face was pale.

"I'm sorry Callie." He said softly as he got off the bed and headed down to the kitchen to join the others.

* * *

><p>"Is that really what you thought love?" Stef asked Callie gently.<p>

Callie looked like she was about to break down but was trying hard to hold it together.

"Callie we are trying just as hard as ever to find your father so that we can adopt you." Stef assured her.

"This baby will never change that." Lena added.

Callie continued to stare into space as her body shook every couple of seconds because of the sobs she couldn't control.

"Callie." Stef tried another tactic. "In the last twenty-four hours you have hurt yourself, upset all the kids, made mama leave late at night, disobeyed me more times than I can count and disappeared three times."

Callie finally looked up at Stef wondered where this odd conversation was leading.

Stef gave her a small smile and continued. "We're still here. We're all still here. We love you and can't imagine our lives without you. We want you regardless of how many other kids we have or how much we have to deal with. You are are daughter." Stef said emphatically.

Callie gave Stef the same look she had given her earlier. She knew that Stef couldn't have forgotten what she had excluded her the night before. "No I'm not." She said softly. "You admitted it."

"What are you talking about Callie?" Lena asked in confusion looking first at Callie and then at Stef.

Stef reached out for Callie's hands and held them tight forcing the girl to look at her. "Do you want to know why I didn't include you in yesterday's conversation?" Stef asked her.

"What conversation?" Lena asked starting to worry. What had Stef said?

"I haven't adopted you yet Callie." Stef stated the obvious causing Lena to try and stop her. Stef ignored her wife and continued. "Baby, I'm still waiting for the day that they put you in my arms. My happiest day with you hadn't come yet."

She watched as the tears in Callie's eyes finally spilled over and then continued. "But I promise you that that day will come. I'll make sure that it comes."

"I thought that you'd change your mind." Callie finally admitted as she gave in to the emotions. She buried her face in her hands and cried like she hadn't cried in a long time. She felt two sets of arms wrap around her and finally she didn't feel the need to shrug them off.

"I'm sorry that I pushed you Lena, and that I made you leave." Callie said as she wiped her eyes.

"I'm fine Callie." Lena assured her. "And as for leaving, maybe we both need to learn to stick around and talk things through instead of running away. What do you think?" She said lightheartedly.

Callie gave her a smile.

Stef gave them a minute before she drew Callie's attention away. "Callie we to see a professional." She said gently.

Callie's face immediately sank. "Please don't make me." She pleaded.

"I'm sorry Callie but mama and I decided last time that if you ever felt the need to hurt yourself again then we would need someone to help us all deal with it."

Callie looked miserable.

"Callie there's nothing wrong with getting some help." Lena said.

"And we'll be right there with you if you want us to be." Stef assured her.

"It's not that." Callie said. "Nobody want's a psych case."

"Sweetheart, we want you." Lena said. "What will it take for you to believe that?"

Callie didn't have an answer. Until she was officially adopted and had her new birth certificate in hand she could never be sure.

"Callie we can't have you constantly hurting yourself." Stef explained. "A therapist will help you find other ways to deal with the way you feel."

Callie looked at Stef as thought she was debating something with herself and then she finally stuck her hand in her pocket and pulled out the knife that she had found on the beach.

Callie heard Lena gasp as she handed it to Stef.

Stef studied the knife. It was dirty and rusted. "Where did you get this?" She asked as she looked up at Callie.

"I found it on the beach." Callie said softly. "That's why I got off the rocks."

Stef suddenly felt nauseous. "Did you use it?" She asked, unable to hide the panic in her voice. She hadn't seen any new cuts on Callie's thigh when she tried to clean it before they went to sleep but there were other places that Callie could cut.

Callie shook her head but it wasn't good enough for Stef.

"Callie this is serious, you don't know where this knife has been. You could get seriously sick." Stef warned. She had been called to so many homes where people had died from sharing needles and knives.

"I didn't use it." Finally verbalized her answer. "I'll show you if you want." She was so serious that Stef knew she was telling the truth.

"I believe you." Stef said as she let out the breath she'd been holding. "Come here." She pulled Callie into a hug and felt the girl's arms wrap around her as well. "Everything is going to be just fine my baby. You are going to be just fine." She said as Lena joined in the hug.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note**

Okay so the sequel is also over. Hope you guys enjoyed it. I know it was more intense than the first but I wanted to show that Callie was going through something much more intense than the first time. This time she had grown to love her family and thought she belonged and now, being sent away would have hurt her so much more.

So I didn't want people to start disliking Callie and therefore the story when I had her push Lena down and that's why I had her support Lena and eventually come back to make sure she was alright. I just wanted the signs to point to the baby being the issue.

As for Stef, I know I made her quite harsh sometimes but I think that's the real her. She always tries to be so strong for everyone else and finally things just got too much for her. I made sure that she never once suggested that she had changed her mind about Callie but I think that the real Stef isn't the type to let Callie get away with any crap either.

There was quite a bit of drama but I tried to make the story longer without it becoming boring. I really hope you guys loved reading it as much as I loved writing it. Thanks for all the amazing reviews.

Love,

Junebug.


End file.
